so I'm here, meaning to start on my report which is due by 4:00pm today, but I can't stop thinking about them. It has been a week since we've had a proper conversation. one where someone doesn't answer the other person in one word, silence, and then another word. I hate when that happens.
so... like I said before, I'm sitting here thinking about them. I miss them. I shouldn't be... the things they've done to me, felt me hanging, ignored me. a close friend would tell me to confront them, and ask them why they've been acting like this. but I know why, I don't need to ask. They've got some one else in their life... and it's not like I matter to them, because if something did happen between us they would be labeled as something no one would be liked to be labeled...
there are times where I wished things would go back to the way they were. where we would talk until 7am in the morning, where we would have a conversation based on basically nothing. we always had something to talk about. I want the holidays back, but the thought of this does scare me, it only means that they'll be working, they'll have more time to go out with their other lover... and they'll not be able to make time for me...
I know this sounds selfish, but I have stated before... I am selfish. I want everything to myself. I want them back in my life. and as I type this blog up, Jiyeon's song starts playing...
maybe I should just rely on music and technology to make me happy. focus on work, find a perfect profession that will keep me busy for the years to come. I don't want to think about it. and that's how I've been doing these past few years, running away from my troubles... it hurts to think about a life without them. but what can I do? it truly is out of my control...
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