Without You

so I'm here again, didn't think I'd come running back this soon... but look, I'm here again.

so the holidays had officially started about 5 days ago. I met up with them and we went around for a bit, but never got the chance to be alone, so not much happened. I promised them that I would come over their house the next day to see them. I didn't. they got mad, stopped talking to me for a few hours, and then started talking to me like nothing had happened.

I thought that was the end of it.

I guess it has made me realise what type of person they are. more clearly, this time. I miss talking to them without any of these awkward interjections. I miss just being able to sit on msn/facebook/formspring/tumblr/texting all day and never run out of things to say. but now, after every thought out sentence, phrase and emoticon... I truly think I've lost them... these past few days, I've pushed others away from me. trying not to communicate with anyone. because talking about them would make others concerned, worry. I thought I could bottle it up, but clearly I can't. and so, I'm back...

I want to see them so bad, I know that after being alone with them for a while, I'll be able to fix this. I'll be able to start conversations without hesitation, without thinking things through a million times before saying it. I wouldn't get butterflies thinking of how they feel about me. it's not the feeling of love right at this moment, it's fear.

now, I know how corny this sounds, but it's the complete truth. I fear of losing them. it literally hurts me, a bad case of butterflies. I don't know what it is, I've never experienced this before. all I do all day is lock myself in my room and try to drug myself up with Korean Variety shows, hoping the laughing and idiotic actions of idols would be able to cheer me up. at least for a split second.

if only I could tell them how much I missed them, think about them constantly and they would give me some kind of response.

I. MISS. YOU.

*sighs*